thetofupirate: (blue)
Just spent some time at the Way Back Machine reading message boards I used to hang out on about 8-10 years ago. My fave threads were the ones where people talked about what they did in their day, and the ones where people wrote short letters/postcards to anything they wanted.

It's been a long time since I did some postcards here.

Dear patients in the office where I work,

Yeah, that sign? The one that says "Please wait here until called"? It means WAIT THERE! If you come up to my window before I call you, I will finish what I'm doing, ask you to wait at the sign until we're ready for you, and pretend I am still working on something, just to piss you off. And I will take EVEN longer if you tap your fucking health card at me.

Just do what the sign says!
emiline

*

Dear co-workers,

Seriously. WE ARE NOT FUCKING TWELVE YEARS OLD! Get over your fucking whining and petty fighting. I am not going to solve that shit for you, because I don't give a crap. Go eat a bowl of fuck and stay outta my way.

I like you better when you leave me alone,
emiline

P.S. If I end up covering for you while you're on break and you leave everything in a shambles one more time, I am going to LOSE MY SHIT! Not cool.

*

Dear Camcam,

I should be cleaning right now, but I'm doing this instead. You won't mind when you're visiting tomorrow if the house is a little cluttered? I hope not!

xo em

*

Dear stomach and head,

Yeah, yeah, I should be serving you dinner, but there's not a whole lot to eat in here. I've got potatoes...and cheese. Happy dining?

I'll try to do better next time,
emiline

*

Dear Friday Night Lights,

You're awesome, even though I really don't "get" football. But I am very sad that my favourite character has been downgraded to a guest star. You'd better have some good plotlines to make up for that.

Don't make me regret the love,
emiline

*

Dear people who still read this lj,

Y'all are fantastic. I am going to try harder to be around more often, and to post better stuff.

xo emiline
thetofupirate: (I aim to misbehave)
Dear Ambulette,

HOLY CRAP! You are the best opening band that I've seen in a long time! Wow.

Thank you,
emiline

*

Dear Rainer Maria,

I don't know how you do it, but you get better and better every time I see you play. I wouldn't think it was possible, since you so often blow me away, but somehow you do it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Much love,
emiline

P.S. The blue skull t-shirt design is great! I wish I had the extra cash to actually purchase it, instead of admiring it from afar.

*

Dear person in front of me for RM's set,

Thank you for smelling like LUSH! It was a lovely treat to see not only an awesome band, but to smell something yummy for their whole set! Much better than that show where the dude in front of me kept farting.

Yours in LUSHiness,
emiline

*

Dear S & A,

Sorry you missed the show - I hope everything is (as) okay (as it can be) with Olivia...please let me know if I can do anything.

xo
em

*

Dear former co-workers,

Sucks to be you - you should have come to the show! But at least a bunch of you are now listening to Rainer Maria, which is pretty darn awesome.

Missing your entertaining randomness,
em
thetofupirate: (Damn the man!)
Dear dude in front of me tonight at the concert,

PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN! There is no need to constantly have them in the air, ESPECIALLY when you're not pumping them up and down with any kind of rhythm that matches the music. SO GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OUTTA MY WAY!

Plus, there was NO NEED to hoist your shirt up over your head so that it only covered part of your back. No one needs to see that. Pasty white winter flesh is not a good look for anyone. But I am glad that you put your shirt back on properly before you bumped into me on your way out of the building.

no love,
emiline

***

Dear Pearl Jam,

That was pretty fun. Thanks.

Sincerely,
emiline

***

Dear what- or who- ever cut my wrist,

That was not nice! But thank you for not making it hurt.

emiline
thetofupirate: (Default)
Dear Rainer Maria,

You are awesome. What a fun show. And I love the new material you are playing.

But would you please hurry up and record your album so that I can see you at a show where you are headlining, instead of these ones where I only go to see you, but have to pay more money for tickets because apparently these hardcore bands I have absolutely no interest in hearing are popular with some people (although tonight wasn't a hardcore band, but how was I supposed to know that? They don't have much of an internet presence, and when your past 2 shows have been opening for hardcore bands, you kinda wonder)? Because that'd be swell.

And your new shirts? Holy awesome cute. Love them. Wish I'd bought both, instead of just one.

Much love always,
emiline

p.s. William, you are so very nice. And seriously, thank you.

*

Dear stupid boy in the plaid shirt standing in front of me at the show,

Seriously, dude? If you don't like the band, and you need to fart, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO DO SO! I really don't need your stank in my nostrils.

Fucker.

emiline "i wanna kick your ass, but it STINKS!" p.

*

Dear self,

You need to go to bed right now. So that tomorrow you can also go to bed at a reasonable time, so that you can get up nice and early on Friday to ensure you are able to commute to work on time to make it to your interview for the job you really want. And stop thinking about the cat your mom told you about, the one who looks like Fred, who just so happens to be the cutest and best cat in the world! Go to sleep!

Love,
me
thetofupirate: (empire - lipgloss_black8)
Dear Buckley's Medicine,

I know people who swear by you. Yes, you taste like ass. But come on! Work a bit faster, please. I don't think you've done anything yet, and I'm already on my third spoonful. I'm following directions, but maybe I should take it to the max and do two at a time instead of one? Although, I would prefer if you just stopped making me cough right now. That'd be keen.

Thank you for your consideration,
emiline

*

Dear magazine store down the road from work,

Okay, I've visited you HOW many times in the past 6 or 7 months, wondering if you carried Bitch or Bust magazines. Thank you for finally (FINALLY!) carrying them today, even though I'd already picked up the latest Bitch. I think I'll get a subscription anyway, because you're obviously not all that reliable.

On the fence,
emiline

*

Dear guy at the movie store,

Hey, next time I have a free movie rental, kindly ASK me if I want to redeem it first before you just decide to redeem it for me. I had a plan, and you totally ruined it!

Bastard (but you were nice otherwise, so I can forgive you),
emiline

*

Dear Empire Records,

Man, it's been a while, hasn't it? It's nice though; no matter how long it's been since we hung out together, when we do finally hang out, it's nice and comfortable. I like that.

"I hope you like blue cheese",
emiline

RWAR!

May. 17th, 2005 11:12 pm
thetofupirate: (empire - lipgloss_black8)
Dear asshole Tory MP (I wish I paid attention when your name was on the screen),

Belinda Stronach is "a little rich girl" who "whored herself out", hey? Fuck you. As if you would say that about a man. As if anyone, let alone yourself, thought that about the dude (who's name I forget because I am so fucking pissed off at you right now) who did the same to Mulroney way back when.

Shove your fucking sexist face up your damn ass already. You make me sick.

No love ever, you filthy Tory fuckass,
emiline.
thetofupirate: (empire - lipgloss_black8)
Dear sponsors who think the world can/should revolve around them,

I hope you die terrible, painful, fiery deaths. You suck. I hate you so much.

No love ever,
emiline

P.S. Fuck. You.
thetofupirate: (Default)
Dear Sleater-Kinney,

Holy crap, do I ever love your new single, and I eagerly await both your new album, and your show in Toronto.

Much love,
emiline

Dear Ted Leo,

Although I do not like Kelly Clarkson, thank you for covering her song "Since U Been Gone". You are mighty keen.

Sincerely,
emiline
thetofupirate: (empire - lipgloss_black8)
Dear dumbass co-worker,

If you really hate the sweetness of the pop you're currently drinking, STOP FUCKING DRINKING IT! And while you're on the stopping train, stop complaining to us after every goddamn sip. It's making me want to rip your stupid fucking head off.

Just shut up already, would you?

Much appreciated,
emiline

Dear other co-worker,

I sent you an email. You printed it off, and brought it over to me, and proceeded to verbally answer the question I'd asked you in the email. I ask you, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" I know what the email said, and you could have either just emailed me the answer (as it wasn't complicated), or had me bring up the file and then tell me the damn answer.

I hate you, and so do the poor wasted trees,
emiline

ETA:

Dear dumbass co-worker,

Congratulations on realizing, 2 hours later, that perhaps you should stop drinking the goddamn fucking pop.

I still want to rip off your head.

no love,
emiline

August 2015

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